Sunshine In My Soul

Apparently the phrase "cutting the cheese" is easily confused in kindergarten. After hearing a friend pass gas, I.F. said, "Oooh! Somebody's making a piece of cheese!" classy.
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EH (of "head-in-the-toilet" fame), now in 2nd grade, had an enlightening conversation with his mom. Mom: "EH, which class do you think you've learned the most in since you started school?" EH: "Oh, DEFinitely Pre-K3." Mom: "Why do you say that?" EH: "'Cause I didn't know $&%# before then!"
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KL: "Miss Leah, do you know what constipated means?"
Me: (picking jaw up off the floor) "Um..."
KL: "I can't tell you. My momma said to leave our private business at home."
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MKL triumphantly handed me a note he had written ALL by himself: "I luv you mis leu you r the bes tchr evr" with a heart and a smiley face. The bottom of the page said, "tmpluvdeth". I asked him to read it for me. "Temple of death!" he answers. Awesome.
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Another love note, also from MKL: "I lav mes Leah. Emax my ht b vare bale" (I love miss Leah. It makes my heart burn very badly"). I can now cross "cause someone heartburn" off my to-do list.
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"...With liberty and justice for all. Amen."
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JK: "Miss Leah, when I grow up I have to go to Catholic High. "
Me: "That's a good school."
JK: "Well, the bad news is you have to wear a tie and a dress shirt everyday. But the GOOD news is that they teach you to run at high speeds." Lucky boys.
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AB ran up to me immediately following our Kindergarten program at the end of the year. "Miss Leah, have you ever heard of the Golden Girls?" "Uhhh, yes?" "Well, I just saw one of the Golden Girls at our program! I wonder how she knew about it?!"
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W: " I'm not a very good pitcher, but I could certainly chase a ball down with my eagle eyes!" Someone, call the Yankees.
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EB: " Miss Leah, did you know I'm allergic to grass?"
Me: " No, I sure didn't."
JK: "Well, I'm allergic to meatloaf."
VK: "What is meatloaf?!"
AW: "Well, I'M allergic to the BAND Meatloaf."
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J to C: "Get off me! You touched my privacy!"
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AB: "Let's play 'Justin "Beaver"'! I'll be Justin Beaver."
EB: "I want to be Justin Beaver too!"
AB: "No, there can only be one Justin."
EB: "Fine. Then I'll be Usher."
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Me: "How much is a quarter worth?"
JK: "Um...a gumball!!"

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JG's journal story about the Titanic:
"pearl hrbor: the way it was"
"once upon a time there was a pesful hrbor calld pearl hrbor. Sudnley japanes plans were ataking all the ships! Then the Oklhomu at let strk by 7 trpedos but it capsizd. Next the West Vrginyu. Struk by 9 trpedos it sunk. Finally the Airazonea. Strck by 800kg bome. It sunk like a ston. The end."
Classic.
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Okay, so this isn't a kindergarten story. But it IS from my 2-yr-olds Sunday School class, so that counts, right?
CA:My poop can turn green and brown.
Me: (dumbfounded) Oh. My.
CA: Bet you wish you could poop like me!
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And another church story, this time from 3-yr-old Sunday School....
N: "Did all the dinosawahs die?"
Me: (soberly) "Yes."
N: "Why did they die?"
Me: "Um, I honestly don't know. "
N: "Maybe all the people were scared of the dinosawahs and pwayed to God evwynight, "God, pwease don't let the dinosawahs eat us." Then the dinosawahs didn't have anyone to eat, so they died!"
Pretty good logic, if you ask me.